After posting my accomplishment of passing the halfway point of my 5k training, we found out we were pregnant the very next day. That was the day I stopped running. I know I shouldn’t have and the doctor told me I was completely fine to continue, in fact, it was encouraged. But I was so worried about my heart rate and bouncing around and anything else that could affect the baby. I also found great joy in pushing my limits and I’m just not satisfied if I don’t feel like I’ve pushed hard enough. So the running was over, at least for the first trimester. I planned to resume less intense workouts, walking, elliptical, small weights, after we hit the OK mark. Now, 2 weeks into recovering from miscarriage, I’m running and I’m running easier and better than I ever thought. Faster and further might be another story but I’m really happy with the progress I’m making after only one week back. I feel even more empowered than I did after reaching the halfway point because I know now that it gets easier.
But something’s different about this time around.
My reasons for starting 5k training in October were simple enough: because it was on my bucket list. That was the ultimate reason. Then there were the reasons I wrote down to feel motivated: my health, a clear mind, no more back pain, to be strong, to feel capable. Then there were the real reasons: size 4 jeans, killer legs and butt, a new bikini. The superficial reasons.
Then, I became pregnant and, it seems like overnight, I had instant confidence and the complete dismissal of all bad thoughts about my weight. I was proud of my body. I had no desperate need to get on the treadmill, no guilt about those few extra cookies (aside from the guilt about not getting the most out of my calories for the baby’s sake), my pants were not seen as a size but rather pants that fit and pants that don’t fit. My weight had no superficial relevance anymore. And I missed running, more than I ever thought I could. That was a big hurdle and a huge success in my book, to know that I reached a point of no return. There was no looking back. My life needs running.
I can’t say that I’m not concerned with my weight anymore now that I’ve know what it feels like to not be concerned but my reasons for getting back on the treadmill have been heavily influenced by those thoughts. I now want to run for the confidence it gives me. The huge smile it puts on my face at the end of a workout. The excitement for the next time when I will run further and push my body harder. To cross my threshold and take one step closer to my goals. I don’t think I’ve gotten on the scale to check the progress of my weight loss since October and I feel really good about that. How about focusing on taking the steps to become healthy instead of skinny? Now my motivation comes from a desperate need for a healthy pregnancy. And healthy is the only thing that matters to me right now.
Has running or another exercise changed your life and brought you closer to your goals? I’d love to hear about it!